No Pain No Gain

I was late to an appointment, as usual. I am one of those annoying people who arrive 10 minutes late for every appointment.  No matter how hard I try I can't seem to break that habit.  Typically as I am walking out the door I remember I need to do something before I leave so I go back in and I am delayed.  It could have waited until I returned but I didn't think so at the time.  Enough digression.

I was not driving in the "best" part of town according to general perceptions.  I was following a city bus - ugh - with no way to get around it.  As the bus pulled away from the bus stop I saw a young man racing to try to catch the bus and get the driver to stop for him.  Of course he was unsuccessful.  He was stopped on the sidewalk a few feet in front of my car panting heavily and looking totally dejected.   Without thinking I opened my car door."Where are you going?", I asked.  "Downtown", he replied.  "Get in", I said.  

There was a very uncomfortable silence as we both wondered what the heck we were doing riding in my car together.  Then we started to chat a little about ourselves.  Eventually he thanked me for picking him up.  He didn't want to be late for his appointment and didn't want to be one of those people always making excuses for being late.  As he got out of the car he leaned in and said, " I never would have believed you would have picked me up".   "I know", I replied.  I understood exactly what he was saying.

He was a young black man with tattoos, dreadlocks and baggy clothes.  Most people would classify me as a "suburban" woman which I agree with on many levels. I have no idea why I stopped and picked him up that day.  We had both made assumptions about each other based on our appearances and I think we would both agree our assumptions were wrong at least in that moment of time.

I felt really good after he got out of the car.  I know he did too.  It felt good to do something nice for a stranger but it was more than that.  It  felt good to connect with someone who I typically would have judged as a person I did not want to voluntarily interact with.and who I judged even as a little scary. And we did connect. I still get a warm feeling when I think about that short car ride that happened a year or so ago.

To connect we really do have to go outside our comfort zone whether interacting with a stranger or revealing how we really feel or think to a loved one.


Sometimes it is even painful to take the first step and reveal or share something about ourselves It is scary to be vulnerable.  But like the saying goes for working out - no pain -no gain.