Are We Lost?

 I hate it. Every day over and over again it invades my consciousness. I do not want to believe it.  I certainly do not want to be reminded of it everyday.  I can’t escape it.  It is in the news.  It is in the newspaper. I hear it in the public conversations of everyday people.   I observe it in the actions of all of us.  We live in a compassionless world.

We were sitting in the lounge discussing the lesson for the day.  We had been together as a group for about 3 months by then.  It was a nine month course.   I think there were about 16 people in the group.  I really can’t remember what we were discussing that precipitated the remark.  Irene was always a serious person but her face hardened as she spoke.    “I resent when the administration tells me to take extra time or pay special attention to a particular kindergartner because his parents are going through a divorce,” she said through clenched teeth.   “Why should I have to go out of my way to help people who are going through a divorce?  It is their fault they are getting divorced, not mine,” she spat the words out angrily.    As she spoke she puffed her chest out as a sign of her moral superiority.  

The silence in the room was deafening. When no one murmured or made a sound, Irene looked around at the faces in the room.   They were all frozen staring at her with the same incredulous expression.  She was struck by the realization of what she had said.   You could see it in her face.  She didn’t say anything else.  She quietly sat down.   As I looked at her face I didn’t sense any regret for the feeling she expressed.  I saw only embarrassment that she had made the confession here in front of all of us.  After all we were in Church at a Bible study group.

Our leader at the Bible Study group was a person who exuded spirituality.  It seemed to kind of seep out of her pores.  She was the angel that had visited Brian and I that fateful day.   After we finished staring at Irene we turned to stare at her.   What could she possibly say that could reach Irene and placate the rest of us, I thought.    We all waited breathlessly for some words of wisdom or for Irene, at least, to receive a tongue lashing from her.  After all wasn’t this a great opportunity to teach Irene a lesson?   “Let’s look at section two of our study guide,” was all Deborah said.    

I asked Deborah later about this or maybe I should say confronted her about it.   Deborah explained, “I have come to know that people attend church for all sorts of reasons most of which do not include a desire to really understand and follow the teachings of Jesus.  The silence of the group spoke volumes to Irene.   I suspect that the school district’s direct request backfired and that Irene actually treated that child worse than the other children.   After today, when the administration makes that request, she will probably be more responsive.”  

I have to admit that, at the time, I was disappointed. Since then I think I have come to understand what Deborah already knew.   If Deborah had confronted her, Irene would have been backed into a corner and would have dug her heels in more regarding her self- righteous resentment.  The reaction of the group and the silence of Deborah made an impression on her.   Hopefully Irene saw her lack of compassion reflected back to her through our eyes like a reflection in the mirror.
In retrospect I wish Irene's behavior had reflected back to me my own routine failure to show compassion.  I was a bit too self- righteous to recognize my own failings at the time. Other people's bad behavior and "character" flaws are always so clearly visible to us. Oh if only the same were true for our own!

“There but for the grace of God go I” is an expression that I used to hear a lot when I was a child. We would automatically repeat that phrase when we were confronted with or became aware of someone else’s misfortune.   I never hear that anymore.  In fact I can’t remember the last time I did hear it.   Now I hear things like “They deserve it” or “I earned it and they didn’t”.   If it isn’t directly spoken, it is implied.  How did an attitude of gratitude get replaced by an attitude of entitlement?  Is it all a result of our cultural marketing gurus touting self indulgent and self aggrandizement quips as a way to market their clients’ products?    We seem to be bombarded with the slogan “You worked hard.  You deserve …... You earned it.”    Maybe after a while we started to believe that everything we have and everything we are was earned solely by our own efforts.  After a while we even seem to have left out the “you worked hard” part of the equation.

I also, as a child, used to often hear, “Those to whom much is given, much is required” and “Waste not, want not”.   All these expressions embodied acts of selflessness – looking beyond our own individual needs and wants to something bigger – something that would benefit others and the community. Sadly those expressions and the actions generated by such sentiments seem to have disappeared from our personal and national psyche.  

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.  It was silly but here I was sitting in my car with tears streaming down my checks.  I had just completed my route for “Meals on Wheels”.   It is difficult, if not impossible, to have an attitude of callousness toward the less fortunate when we volunteer to serve them and witness their suffering, trials and tribulations first hand.  I think our parents and grandparents understood that.   Have we forgotten the simple lesson of humbly giving and serving the less fortunate?   How can we want bigger cars, bigger houses and grandiose vacations when we see others who don’t have the basic necessities of life satisfied?  Are they really to blame and if they are does that really matter?   As I cried I reminded myself to be ever grateful for what I do have and how fortunate I am.   “There but for the grace of God go I” I thought as I closed the door on the last client who was mentally handicapped.  How could I have forgotten to be grateful? How could I have forgotten to make service to others an integral part of my life?  It is, among other things, the quickest way to get me back to living with an attitude of gratitude?