I was driving down the freeway with my windows open. I was on my way home from the office. I was in one of those old station wagons which thankfully they don’t make anymore – at least I don’t think they do. We were stopped in some gridlock for a time. That was all pretty normal. I noticed the drivers of the cars stopped on either side of me were scowling at me. You see I had my radio blasting – pre IPod days- and I was singing – off key as I have no musical talents – at the top of my lungs and I was moving to the music – again without any rhythm. (My beloved sister is always quick to point out my lack of rhythm and often asks me not to dance). She wasn’t with me at the time so I was free to “express myself”. I felt a bit chagrined when I noticed the drivers staring at me with a look of disgust but I refused to yield to their disgust. This was my transition time and my only “free” time in a typical day. It had taken me quite a while to figure out that this worked but it did so I continued on.
Being a litigation attorney can be a very tough way to make a living. Oh I am not complaining. I chose it – or at least as I did as much as I “chose” things when I was young. I also don’t mean to denigrate other professions or lines of work as not being as competitive or tough. I, however, can only speak about what I know and what I know is working in the legal field as a litigation attorney.
Let’s face it. I think no matter what you do for a living there is an element of competitiveness and combativeness to it. That may be especially true in these difficult economic times. We sometimes feel like we are fighting for economic survival and that can bring out parts of our personality we really don’t like or at least want to encourage. At least it does for me. That is especially true for me when I started working as a litigation attorney. That was Ok because I needed them, on some level, to survive and thrive in that field. (As I matured I learned to temper and control them better but that is not the subject of this short essay).
The biggest problem arose in dealing with my dual roles as mother and litigator. (We will leave the impact of my role as wife to a later date). The role of mother, in my humble opinion, requires an element of vulnerability, compassion, loving, nurturing, understanding, humility, patience and much, much more. It certainly does not require one to be combative or competitive. So I had these two persons living inside of me and they tended to overlap at good bit especially at home. That darn competitor and combatant would not disappear the minute I walked through the front door of my house. Often it was because I was still stewing about something that happened during the work day. I didn’t want to be that person at home.
I discovered, quite by accident, that I could transform myself from a combative, competitive lawyer to a mother. I did this by listening to the radio and singing along at the top of my lungs as I drove home from the office. The more I did this the easier and better the transition from lawyer to mother became. I had struck gold! So scowl away other drivers!
QUERY: Are you working in a combative and/or competitive environment? Do you often arrive home in a hostile or angry mood? What do you do to transition from “business person” to “family or relationship person”? Does making a conscious effort to transform yourself help bring more harmony to your home life? If you aren’t doing something now do you want to and if so, what can you do?
