I picked it up and looked at it. I wanted to put it back down but I didn’t. I dread reading them but I seem drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Whether it is that type of article in Austin Woman or the sections of the New York Times or Austin American Statesman where they have interviews or identify persons who have been “promoted” in the business world, the articles evoke unpleasant emotions for me. I am referring to articles about successful women.
You know you’ve read them. They go something like this: “Nancy Smith was recently promoted to Head of Marketing in this multinational corporation. These articles are followed with a glowing biography or glorified resume chocked full of amazing credentials. There is a photo and then an interview or announcement or both. Nancy says something like, ““I started out as a file clerk and now I am President of this large corporation.”
I would like to say I celebrate the success of these women but if I am honest I don’t. Mostly I just feel inadequate. I compare where I am in my career with where they are in theirs and I definitely have failed. Why do I let others’ success make me feel inferior? Some of it is cultural I think. We are bombarded with stories of “success” and we glorify the materially successful. They get the accolades and respect in the news and community.
Sometimes I convince myself that they have made sacrifices I wouldn’t make. I wouldn’t want to work all those hours I say. But putting aside the standard excuses why I didn’t achieve that level of success, how do I come to terms with where I am now? I don’t really think I am less smart or less energetic. I maybe –no I am definitely- less ambitious. I’d love the money and prestige but I wouldn’t want to do the work it takes to get there or to maintain that standing. It takes a lot of intense energy and sacrifice to accomplish and maintain all of that, I think.
I know that, without consciously doing it, I set professional goals for myself when I was young. Being more conscious of my choices would have helped me to be more satisfied with where I am now. (If I were a younger woman in a career I would make that a priority.) I saw my career as a way to support my family – nothing more. And as I look back I can say that I accomplished exactly what I set out to do – nothing more, nothing less. So perhaps I should have been more careful in setting my goals or revisited my goals as time went on. I didn’t. I stuck to my original goal and now I am unhappy that I achieved what I set out to do. Along the way I missed out on more professional opportunities. I didn’t make them a priority. Part of it may be my generation. It was OK for us women to work outside the home to support a family but nothing more.
I am never going to achieve those heights in the business world or maybe anywhere and I will work on coming to terms with that fact. I’ll let you know how that goes. In the meantime I am going to celebrate the success of others. That is a good place to start, I think. I am going to set some new goals in this field or maybe another. I am also going to celebrate my own “successes” even though they look very different from the successes of the women in the magazines and newspapers. Sounds trite but I really believe it comes down to your individual definition of “success.” To be sure, there will be more to follow on this subject.
QUERY: Do you compare yourself to every successful women you read about? Do you denigrate the successful woman's accomplishments in order to make yourself feel better about where you are in your career? Does doing that really make you feel better about where you are? What are some positive ways you could foster acceptance and enjoyment regarding where you are right now? How do you define "success"?
