There has been enough “buzz” in our media saturated world that we easily recognize our enemies. Oh I ‘m not referring to the wars we are still involved in. I am referring to enemies of our self esteem and specifically our internal enemies – the ones we create for ourselves. We are armed against the most common internal predators like statements such as “You are not a good wife, mother, employee, spouse, daughter because a good mother doesn’t say that to her child or a good employee does not arrive late for work. We often say these things to ourselves when our behavior doesn’t match our image of what we should be doing or how we should be acting in that role. We recognize that perfection is unattainable and we are on guard when we expect it of ourselves. We can forgive ourselves for not attaining the unattainable. At least I hope we can.
But what about the silent killers of self- esteem? They are not so easily recognized because they do not convey explicit messages of failure. They creep up on us and hide in our psyche. They can envelope us so quickly.
I was relaxing, reading the newspaper the other morning. I couldn’t quite seem to enjoy reading it. I kept interrupting myself with comments like, “you have work to do”, “the dishwasher needs to be unloaded”, and “you have many phone calls to make today”. Eventually I gave in to the voice telling me I should be doing something other than what I was doing and put down the newspaper. Really what’s wrong with taking 15 or 30 minutes to read the newspaper early in the morning while you drink your morning coffee? Intellectually there is nothing wrong with it but subconsciously there are many things wrong with it. You are not doing what you are supposed to be doing which is typically something “productive” like work – housework or other work. You are lazy. You shouldn’t enjoy yourself until all your “work” is done. Is it really ever done?
So let’s guard against the silent killers of self-esteem – the malaise or cloud hanging over us telling us that we are a “bad” person because we are taking some time out of the day to do" nothing" or to do something that isn’t defined as “productive” or to do something that benefits no one but ourselves. It is hard to recognize, I think, because this attitude is so ingrained in us.
Q: What negative messages are you sending yourself daily? Recognizing them, I believe, is the first step toward prevention.
