“No. I am sorry but we can’t turn around and go back to get your teddy bear. You were holding it when we got into the car? What happened to it? I will be late for work if we go back”, I said firmly to Gary. He knew there was no changing my mind. He made a few sorrowful sounds and emitted a few sighs but he seemed resigned to going to preschool without his teddy bear for share day.
As we drove to preschool I kept going over in my mind the justification for not returning to the house. I carried on a conversation with myself in my head, “It would take at least an extra 20 minutes to go back to the house and pick up the teddy bear. I had a meeting at work at 7:30 a.m. Traffic would be lighter but still I couldn’t do all of that, drop Gary off at school and make it to the office in time for the meeting. It would be good lesson for Gary to learn.”
“Isn’t there something else you can share? Can you take your share turn tomorrow instead of today?” I asked. Gary was silent. Gary gave me a rather sorrowful and somewhat angry look as I dropped him off at preschool. I raced backed to the car hoping traffic would be light so I would not be late for the meeting.
“You seem a bit frazzled this morning”, one of my co-workers said to me as I raced past her desk on my way to the meeting. “It wasn’t a good morning. Gary was upset that I wouldn’t go back to the house to get his teddy bear. He needed it today for share day”, I replied. “Wow I can’t believe you were so tough on a 3 year old”, she responded. Well, my then cynical self replied, “Life is full of disappointment. He may as well get used to it.” I felt guilty the entire day that I did not go back and get the teddy bear for Gary.
Parenting is a constant balancing act. We struggle to balance love and discipline every day. We struggle to balance the demands of work and parenting. Sometimes we strike the balance and other times we fail miserably. It is a daily challenge. I would remind myself on days that I had failed miserably that I had succeeded on other days and that the most important thing was to let my children know that I love them.
Parenting reminds me of a see saw. One day I feel like I have conquered it all and I’m riding high like I am on the top end of the see saw. The next day I feel like I have failed miserably, I'm depressed and I am at the bottom of the see saw - on the ground. Other days I feel serene like I am balanced on the see saw. It can change daily, hourly and even moment by moment. It is a wild ride.
“I’m sorry I could not go back and get your teddy bear this morning, Gary”, I said to him that evening. “I love you,” I said. Gary came over and gave me a big hug. He has always been a very loving and forgiving person. I’m a lucky Mom.
Q: Do you sometimes feel as if you are on a see saw when it comes to parenting?
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