What is love?

It seems before we can explore the idea of "self-love" we need to explore the concept of love in general. That makes sense. 

Is love an art just like living is an art?  If it is an art it requires knowledge and effort.  Or is love just a pleasant sensation? 

According to Erich Fromm in his book, "The Art of Loving”, love is an art which requires mastery of the theory and mastery of the practice just like any art such as music, medicine, etc.

Today is short and sweet but something that needs some serious pondering?  How do you see "love"? Do you treat it as an art or as a pleasant sensation?

Back to self-love

I just remembered that a few weeks ago I said I was going to explore the concept of "self-love" that we hear so much about.  Some suggest that it is the foundation for a meaningful and happy life.  So what exactly is it?  Do I have it?  If I don't have it how do I cultivate it?  Do I really care if I "have" it?  As usual there seem to be more questions that answers but we have to start someone on this journey.

Here is what wikipedia says about self-love.

Self-love is the love of oneself.

In 1956 psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric.  He proposed that loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself(e.g. being realistic and honest about one's strengths and weaknesses). He proposed, further, that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself in this way.


Well this is as good a place as any to start on my "quest".  I'm going to contemplate the definition and look into Erich Fromm's (seen below)  background a little bit.

  

The Funny Bone - Really!

There are so many serious and sad events in the news . For some reason as I felt myself getting sad over these recent events I started to think about some of the funny people in my life.  

My Aunt and my Grandfather, both passed away many years ago, were very funny people.  I get a warm feeling whenever I think of them. I think people with a sense of humor are remembered in a special way.  

My son-in-law has great funny one-liners.  We recently had a conversation about a mutual friend.  I am worried about her recent choice in men and said so to my son-in-law.  ”But I think she is just lonely right now and wants some companionship” I said to him.  “Oh he is just a “placeholder” my son-in-law replied.  I chuckled then and I still chuckle whenever I think of his comment.  It takes some of the sting out of the worry.  Humor really does “lighten the load”.

I am not funny at all –ever.   When I was young, even as a child, I think I felt like life was very serious and my mood reflected that. I’m definitely more light hearted than I was when I was younger. But I still can never think of anything funny to say.  I never tell a joke because I am like Nemo’s father in “Finding Nemo”.  I just sound stupid.  I guess my funny bone is  missing! 

Maybe I can borrow his!

   
I envy people who can make others laugh. I guess humor is, like a lot of things in life, a gift.  I’ll keep hoping my sense of humor will develop because funny people do create happiness in so many small and big ways. Thanks to all those who have a sense of humor.  Keep making the rest of us laugh!

The "common good"? Does it exist?

As I listen to the politicians criticize and berate the opposing political party over the situation in Ukraine I am confronted again with the sad state of our national politics.

Our culture seems to be obsessed with the blame game. Immediately after an event happens the focus shifts to who or what to blame for the crisis rather than how to help or even heal.  Perhaps divisive comments and blame make “good” news and thus become the focus of the media.   But even if that is the principal reason for the blame game we should pause to consider that such a penchant can create damage to our national psyche and culture. It trickles down to business, communities and even families.

Sometimes determining responsibility is a good thing if it will lead to preventative measures or even if there should be some consequence. But should it be the principal focus?

Can we reframe our psyche to see a problem that we all must work together to solve? There is a "common good" – something we all value that we all share and which we want to promote or protect.   If we can’t seem to find that maybe we should do some national or personal soul searching to find it. Let’s rally around our "common good" putting aside our differences so we can work together for the "common good".  And let’s recognize and promote those who do rather than those who don’t. We will feel much better about ourselves and our nation if we are engaged in a positive, productive ventures rather than tearing each other down.

An Attitude of Gratitude

We hear so much about how this current, young generation has such an attitude of entitlement. I don’t know if that is true or not but it started me thinking about the attitudes of previous generations.  I’m probably too close to the situation to comment on the attitudes of the baby boom generation as I am one of them.  However, 

I can comment on what I have observed about my parents and grandparents who lived through the Great Depression.   Part of the legacy of that era is fear and anxiety but there is also a legacy of gratitude.  

They were and are grateful for all that they do have even if by our standards it is not much.   But it is more than that.  Their attitude reflects the knowledge that all that they have is not just a result of their own efforts.  They recognize that other people have contributed to their success such as parents, friends, spouses, co-workers and many more.   Most of them believe God has been at work in their lives providing for them. They understand they could not have all they have or achieved all they have achieved without the support and help of others.

When you are grateful I think you are humble and you are compassionate towards those who don’t have as much.  Just as we recognize all of our success is not a result of just our own efforts we recognize that others failure is not a result of just their own shortcomings.    Other forces are at work in our lives. That generation seems to be more interested in helping and not so much in blaming and shaming.   We can learn so much from them.

Let’s live with an attitude of gratitude! 

The Olympics - a different lesson?

Do you like to watch the Olympics?   I do!  I love watching the events but I don’t typically watch interviews of the athletes.  I just happened to catch an interview of one of the members of the U.S. Women’s bobsled team.   

I am concerned that we overemphasize individualism.    When individualism dominates it impedes our ability or desire to form or be part of “communities”.  These competing interests become out of balance.  Individualism run amuck can create an unhealthy self-love and turn our competitors into enemies.

This athlete said it better than I could. She prefers being a member of the bobsled team to being a solo track star.   As a solo track star the focus is all on you and you can become very narcissistic.  When you are a member of a team it is about the team and how you can contribute to make a better team. You are a part of something greater than yourself.

TV characters as friends?!! Really?

The other night I had some plans with friends to go out for a glass of wine and maybe a light dinner.  For whatever reason I was searching for a way out.  I found myself thinking instead about spending the evening sitting on the couch watching my favorite TV characters.  I’m not sure why but meeting up with my flesh and blood friends seemed like a lot of work, effort and energy that I didn’t have or want to expend.  I went to visit my friends of course.  I had a wonderful time and as we spent time together I felt our “connection” grow and deepen.

Media and especially the proliferation of interesting TV series on cable networks have made TV watching so much more interesting and fun.  But are we confusing entertainment with “engagement”?  . It is so easy to interact with our TV or media friends. They are predictable and comforting in their predictability. We can turn them on and off when we want to.  But they don’t “engage” us. They don’t challenge us, comfort us, disappoint us, argue with or care about us. 

Let’s be careful that we do not use our TV friends or media entertainment to avoid or hide from the experiences, joys and challenges of flesh and blood relationships?  Flesh and blood relationships make us feel vulnerable and can be messy and difficult but the rewards are amazing as I was reminded one night last week.