The "common good"? Does it exist?

As I listen to the politicians criticize and berate the opposing political party over the situation in Ukraine I am confronted again with the sad state of our national politics.

Our culture seems to be obsessed with the blame game. Immediately after an event happens the focus shifts to who or what to blame for the crisis rather than how to help or even heal.  Perhaps divisive comments and blame make “good” news and thus become the focus of the media.   But even if that is the principal reason for the blame game we should pause to consider that such a penchant can create damage to our national psyche and culture. It trickles down to business, communities and even families.

Sometimes determining responsibility is a good thing if it will lead to preventative measures or even if there should be some consequence. But should it be the principal focus?

Can we reframe our psyche to see a problem that we all must work together to solve? There is a "common good" – something we all value that we all share and which we want to promote or protect.   If we can’t seem to find that maybe we should do some national or personal soul searching to find it. Let’s rally around our "common good" putting aside our differences so we can work together for the "common good".  And let’s recognize and promote those who do rather than those who don’t. We will feel much better about ourselves and our nation if we are engaged in a positive, productive ventures rather than tearing each other down.

An Attitude of Gratitude

We hear so much about how this current, young generation has such an attitude of entitlement. I don’t know if that is true or not but it started me thinking about the attitudes of previous generations.  I’m probably too close to the situation to comment on the attitudes of the baby boom generation as I am one of them.  However, 

I can comment on what I have observed about my parents and grandparents who lived through the Great Depression.   Part of the legacy of that era is fear and anxiety but there is also a legacy of gratitude.  

They were and are grateful for all that they do have even if by our standards it is not much.   But it is more than that.  Their attitude reflects the knowledge that all that they have is not just a result of their own efforts.  They recognize that other people have contributed to their success such as parents, friends, spouses, co-workers and many more.   Most of them believe God has been at work in their lives providing for them. They understand they could not have all they have or achieved all they have achieved without the support and help of others.

When you are grateful I think you are humble and you are compassionate towards those who don’t have as much.  Just as we recognize all of our success is not a result of just our own efforts we recognize that others failure is not a result of just their own shortcomings.    Other forces are at work in our lives. That generation seems to be more interested in helping and not so much in blaming and shaming.   We can learn so much from them.

Let’s live with an attitude of gratitude! 

The Olympics - a different lesson?

Do you like to watch the Olympics?   I do!  I love watching the events but I don’t typically watch interviews of the athletes.  I just happened to catch an interview of one of the members of the U.S. Women’s bobsled team.   

I am concerned that we overemphasize individualism.    When individualism dominates it impedes our ability or desire to form or be part of “communities”.  These competing interests become out of balance.  Individualism run amuck can create an unhealthy self-love and turn our competitors into enemies.

This athlete said it better than I could. She prefers being a member of the bobsled team to being a solo track star.   As a solo track star the focus is all on you and you can become very narcissistic.  When you are a member of a team it is about the team and how you can contribute to make a better team. You are a part of something greater than yourself.

TV characters as friends?!! Really?

The other night I had some plans with friends to go out for a glass of wine and maybe a light dinner.  For whatever reason I was searching for a way out.  I found myself thinking instead about spending the evening sitting on the couch watching my favorite TV characters.  I’m not sure why but meeting up with my flesh and blood friends seemed like a lot of work, effort and energy that I didn’t have or want to expend.  I went to visit my friends of course.  I had a wonderful time and as we spent time together I felt our “connection” grow and deepen.

Media and especially the proliferation of interesting TV series on cable networks have made TV watching so much more interesting and fun.  But are we confusing entertainment with “engagement”?  . It is so easy to interact with our TV or media friends. They are predictable and comforting in their predictability. We can turn them on and off when we want to.  But they don’t “engage” us. They don’t challenge us, comfort us, disappoint us, argue with or care about us. 

Let’s be careful that we do not use our TV friends or media entertainment to avoid or hide from the experiences, joys and challenges of flesh and blood relationships?  Flesh and blood relationships make us feel vulnerable and can be messy and difficult but the rewards are amazing as I was reminded one night last week.

Love thyself? Narcissism?

What does “self-love” mean to you?

It recently came up again but I have heard the term “self –love” discussed by many psychologists for many years.  I have always had a vague notion about the concept but what really is self-love?  I do know it is considered to be an important concept for personal growth but I don't have a real handle as to what it really means or how to find it and use it in my life.

I have always been wary of the term because in the world in which I was raised it was equated or confused with being conceited or selfish.   It was not a concept we were raised to value or look for. Attitudes have changed but I see that perhaps some parents have gone a bit overboard in counteracting the messages of our upbringing.  In seeking to raise children to value themselves I hope we have not created young adults that confuse self love with narcissism.  Narcissism to me is caring only about yourself and having no concern for others except for how what they do affects you.  Narcissists lack empathy. 

So I have decided to begin a quest to define self-love, find it or the lack of it in my own life and decide if I really should develop more of it to help me live my life to the fullest.   I hope you will join me.

Awards for achievement or something else?

As the time for the Oscars approaches I am reminded of my perception that we  bestow too may awards in our culture.   Perhaps it is just that awards can garner more attention because of the media.  But I rather think we bestow too many awards and in doing so the awards become watered down and less meaningful. In some professions the award becomes more of a marketing tool than an actual award for an achievement.   (In some fields I think it is too difficult to "judge" achievement.)  Anyway I find myself being cynical when I hear about another award or award winner.

Are there too many awards?  Have many of them become more of a marketing tool than a recognition of achievement?   Are some of them bestowed upon people who lobby and network the best rather than those that have "achieved" something noteworthy?  If so perhaps we should be careful to distinguish between types of awards and stop calling all of them achievement awards.  Some of the awards would be better recognized as marketing awards or self-promotion awards. Then we could really honor those who have "achieved" great things.

A paradox in the age of facebook and twitter?

I have noticed what appears to be a paradox.  In this facebook, twitter age it seems the more we reveal about our “outer” lives -activities and opinions the less we reveal about our inner lives – emotions, desires.

 As I reflect on the New Year I have “resolved” to “work” on creating closer personal connections by sharing more of my inner life. I am not talking about spending more time on twitter or facebook. I am referring to spending time in the physical presence of people I want to connect with on a deeper level. (It requires a willingness to be “vulnerable” but that is a subject for another time.) 

When people engage in activities together it seems to be easier to communicate with and open up to each other.  A few activities that come to my mind are cooking a meal together or going for a walk together. These allow us opportunities to talk to each other which activities such as going to a movie together do not allow.  Perhaps it can be described as engaging in a communal activity versus a solitary activity done together.

I have noticed that I often want to cancel these get togethers at the last minute. I don’t feel like it or I have some other excuse.  It seems like so much effort to physically get together especially when we can email, tweet or post something on facebook when we feel like it.  It does take more effort but it is so worth it.   You can only discover that if you give it a try.